I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just saw a hot homeless man
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize