In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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