We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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