i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
