My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
