did you get engaged???
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
