1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
