If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
