I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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