remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
