i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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