No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
