Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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