If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
