I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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