so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
