Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
