You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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