I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
