So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
