So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
