i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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