I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
