the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
