oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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