I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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