I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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