Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
