Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I party with great urgency now.
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