was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
They left me at home... I'm a liability
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
