I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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