I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
