is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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