I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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