Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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