moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
