She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
