he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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