last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
