the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
