Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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