ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize