Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I want her autograph on my taint
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
