This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
