we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I feel like a drive thru vagina
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
