Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
