I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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