I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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