Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
