I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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