i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
