i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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