I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize