when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She tied me up with her honor cords...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
