am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize