recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
