Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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