hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
