who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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