Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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