dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
