All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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