NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
