It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
