Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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