Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
