just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
